Enigma
by PurpleCardi
Summary: After countless nights spent together, Maura wants to be more than just a distraction for Jane, but is Jane willing to give her what she wants before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't until Jane had left her that Maura actually realized how cold and how quiet her bedroom could get. As she lied down, she heard the faint sound of Bass slowly moving around in the kitchen, but there were no other noises. Not more than half an hour had passed since she left and she already missed Jane's sarcasm and the banter between the two of them. She missed the way Jane would not only let her cuddle up to her at night, she would _insist _that she did. She missed the way Jane promised to give Maura her undivided attention during _Sports Center_, but would only take in about half of the words Maura would say. She missed running her fingers through Jane's unruly dark hair when they kissed and all of the sweet nothings Jane would whisper to her after they made love—or after they had sex. It wasn't lovemaking, at least not for Jane. For Jane, it was strictly for pleasure. Maura had gone from being her best friend to being a distraction, someone to keep her mind off of her failed love life.

Maura got up from her bed and pulled out a picture of the two of them that was taken without either woman knowing. For Maura, that picture served as proof that Jane saw her as more than just a distraction and more than just her friend with benefits. She analyzed every single detail of that photo, every single detail about the way Jane was standing and the way Jane looked at her. Maura analyzed the photo so much that she could have probably re-created it from memory. Every time she looked at the photo, she felt the urge to show Jane and to tell her what the photo meant to her and what it could mean forthe two of them.

That is exactly what she did less than an hour ago and that is exactly what put her in her melancholy state. Maura had just given herself to Jane so intimately, both letting their guard down and feeling grateful that they had. The sight of Jane between her legs was enough to make Maura climax, but that was never enough for Jane. Jane thoroughly and gently explored every inch of Maura's body—sometimes with her hands and sometimes with her mouth until she could literally feel how ready Maura was for her. Maura would always try to touch Jane in the process, but Jane would never allow that. Pleasuring Maura was her priority and she wouldn't allow herself to stop unless she knew Maura had been completely satisfied. Maura's moaning served as an ego boost to Jane and further proof for Maura of how Jane felt about her.

Jane was in a state of post-coital bliss, but all Maura could think about was showing Jane the photo of the two of them. Before Jane could ask what she was doing, Maura stepped out of bed and turned around to make sure Jane was enjoying the view of Maura's body. As expected, Jane's eyes were exactly where Maura wanted them to be. Maura stayed uncovered for a little longer than she had to, but she was reveling in Jane's gaze and adoration of her body. She was not only aroused by Jane herself, she was aroused by Jane's arousal and the almost predatory look on Jane's face was enough to make Maura feel a tightening sensation between her legs.

Maura wanted to make love to her again—she _should_ have made love to her again—but she grabbed the photo and gingerly handed it over to Jane. It had now been forty-five minutes since Jane had left and Maura could still recall everything that was said between the two of them regardless of how badly she wanted to forget. All Maura really wanted from Jane was to be acknowledged. She was falling for Jane and she knew Jane was experiencing something just as real and intense as she was, no matter how much she denied it. She'd allow Maura to have a taste of what life could be like if they were in a monogamous relationship, but it would never last. She'd tell Maura she was the only woman in her life, but Maura knew what that really meant. There were still men in Jane's life and, although they were few and far in between, she wasn't ready to give up her heterosexual label regardless of how much she loved the taste and—even the scent—of Maura's arousal. Maura also had men in her life, but her affairs with them were for the sole purpose of making Jane feel jealous. Sometimes it worked, but other times Jane would barely notice. She knew it was childish, but she was willing to go to great lengths to convince Jane to claim her as her woman.

Instead of coming to terms with her feelings, Jane stormed out and left Maura alone to wonder what was in store for the two of them. For the first time that winter, Maura didn't have Jane's arms to keep her warm throughout the night. All she could do was turn up the thermostat, put on some warm pajamas, and try to get some sleep before her thoughts about Jane consumed her even more.


	2. Chapter 2

Falling for her best friend was something Jane had never expected, not only because her best friend was a woman, but because her best friend was Maura. Half the time, she had no idea what Maura was saying and what she did understand practically annoyed her, but there was still something about Maura that Jane found irresistible although she would never tell her. They may have been opposites in every way, but their friendship worked and it was far from one-sided. The two of them were there for each other even when neither would admit they needed someone.

Jane and Maura had an arrangement—one that Jane had assumed worked well for the two of them. Their arrangement had begun by accident after a night of too many drinks and secrets that would not have been shared if not for the alcohol allowing them to lose their inhibitions. Jane had wanted to make the first move, but she was unaware of where she stood with Maura. While at the bar, Maura had admitted to having affairs with women, but these affairs never amounted to anything serious because Maura never allowed them to. Maura wasn't against being in a relationship with a woman; rather, she was against being in a relationship with _anyone _at the time because there were always goals in her life, things she needed to accomplish to get where she wanted to be. But that was in her past. Maura had achieved everything she had set out to achieve and she was now comfortable with where she was in her life. In retrospect, Jane wondered if that was a confession and if Maura's behavior that night wasn't as alcohol-induced as she had assumed.

Maura had kissed her for the first time that night while the two of them were standing outside Jane's apartment door. It wasn't the most passionate kiss Jane had ever partaken in, but it was definitely the most life-altering kiss. Before that night, Jane had entertained the idea of kissing another woman, but it was always a passing thought and never something she had actually planned on doing until she spent time with Maura that night. While they were sitting at the bar, Jane felt as if something had clicked deep inside of her. She began gauging Maura's reactions and noticing the smallest details about her. Here was this intelligent, refined, and caring woman sitting next to her and this woman seemed to be interested in her for who she was as a person and not because she had questions about her job or she was trying to get her into bed. That's the moment Jane began to wonder if her failed relationships with men were because of something beyond her control. Could it be that she actually had feelings for a woman, feelings that went beyond the desire to experiment? Jane wanted to find out, but she hoped there would be a way to find out without hurting Maura in the process.

She had planned on saying goodbye to Maura after that kiss and parting ways as if nothing had happened, but instead she laced her fingers with Maura's and led her inside her apartment. It wasn't unusual for the two of them to sit so close to each other, but it was definitely the first time Jane felt the urge to hold Maura. She tried to be casual, but she knew Maura could sense something different about her demeanor. The next hour or so was a complete blur to Jane and she barely had time to process how they had gone from delicate kisses on the couch to seeing Maura's clothes neatly folded while her own clothes were scattered all over her bedroom. Maura's naked body was a sight Jane knew was too beautiful to fully take in regardless of how much she tried. If she couldn't take in the sight of her, she knew touching Maura would put her over the edge. She felt as nervous as she did when she lost her virginity, but that and every other sexual encounter paled in comparison to what she was feeling during that moment with Maura. For the first time, Jane cared about her performance. She was used to muscular arms, facial stubble, and, as vulgar as it sounded, she was used to feeling a man's erection. Maura possessed neither of these things. Maura was soft, feminine, and extremely wet. Jane hoped she—and not the alcohol—was the cause of Maura's arousal.

As much as Jane liked to be in control, she relinquished all of that to Maura that night. As vulnerable as it made her feel, she didn't mind receiving a little coaching from Maura and, in that moment, she found out just how much experience Maura really had. She knew how to get herself off, but without having been with a woman, Jane wasn't sure how to pleasure Maura. After not being able to elicit the desired response from Maura's body, Jane worried about her performance being up to par with what Maura was used to, but that's when Maura did the unexpected. She knew it was Jane's first time, so she decided to make it all about her so she could relieve her in more ways than one. The orgasm brought on by Maura's skilled tongue was unlike any Jane had ever experienced. She worried about using Maura, but when they held hands in bed afterward Maura reassured her that this is what she needed, so they decided on an arrangement: sex with no strings attached. They were best friends and their loyalty was to each other, but there would be no dating, no monogamy, and no need for Jane to define her sexuality. Their arrangement had worked for months and Jane saw no need to change anything, but Maura had something else in mind.

What Maura didn't know is that Jane had a copy of the photo she had showed her earlier that night and she had looked at it every night before bed, admiring how beautiful Maura looked and questioning why she had that particular expression on her face. Was Maura in love with her? That was no longer a question. She was in love with Maura, but how did it happen? She could have talked about her feelings with the woman she loved, but instead she chose to walk out on Maura when all she wanted to do is hold her throughout the night. Jane thought about going back to Maura and apologizing, maybe even confessing what she felt, but she decided against it. She may have lost Maura, but she knew that was easier than facing the repercussions of admitting she was in love with a woman.


	3. Chapter 3

Not even twenty-four hours had passed since Jane had walked out on Maura and she was already starting to question her decision. That night, it had seemed like the perfect solution, but by the light of day Jane wasn't so sure anymore. She knew she had two options: she could deny her feelings or she could sit down with her and the two of them could assess the situation.

Maura was just a phone call away for Jane—not that a phone call had ever been required. Jane was used to just dropping by unannounced whenever she needed Maura. _Need. _That was the word she said when she wanted Maura to put her skilled tongue to use. "Maura, I need you." An arrangement had been made between the two of them and they had both agreed to it, but the more Jane thought about the arrangement, the more she wondered if she was using Maura. She had to explain herself to her, regardless of how much she didn't want to put herself into a position of a weakness.

Jane grabbed her phone and scrolled through her contacts. She scrolled up and down past Maura's name repeatedly, stalling as she thought of something to say to her. She wasn't about to confess her feelings via phone, but even asking her if they could meet was enough to make Jane feel unnerved. Jane considered herself to be a tough woman and, occasionally, fearless, but there was something about this phone call that gave her the chills.

After five minutes of scrolling past Maura's name and thinking about possible scenarios, Jane did the one thing she wasn't accustomed to doing: she chickened out. Sure, she _could _have called Maura, but confessing her feelings and making herself feel vulnerable just wasn't as appealing as an afternoon with Frankie, so, instead of calling Maura, she called Frankie and talked him into playing some one-on-one with her.

It was another cold day in Boston, but Frankie knew basketball was just an excuse for Jane to either get something off of her chest or take her mind off of something that was bothering her, so he was willing to put up with the cold if it meant giving Jane some peace of mind for an afternoon.

"You've missed three in a row," he said once his sister's latest attempt at shooting a free throw didn't even come close. His statement elicited no response from his sister, so he decided to egg her on even more. "It's 27 to 5."

"I'm letting you win," Jane insisted.

"After all these years?" he teased.

"I'm being a good sister."

"For once?" Frankie asked as he tossed the ball to Jane. "I'm giving you a free shot to let you redeem yourself."

Jane dribbled the ball more than usual before missing yet another shot. "There was a breeze," Jane said, shrugging off her missed attempt.

"Or maybe your game is off because your cheerleader isn't here."

"Come on," Jane groaned.

"Where is she?" Frankie asked, not quite ready to change the subject.

"Maura?"

"Do you have _another _girlfriend?"

"She's _not _my girlfriend," Jane said as she forcefully threw the ball to him.

"Next, you're going to explain to me that she's a girl and she's your friend, but not your girlfriend and you like her but you don't _like _like her," Frankie added. "It's like we've gone back to middle school."

"I'm not even into women," Jane insisted.

"Not _women_," Frankie teased. "Your heart is set on _one_ woman."

"My heart is set on _nobody_," Jane told him. "Can we just get back to our game?"

Instead of shooting the ball, Frankie just looked at his sister and tried not to smile. "Ma knows."

"Ma knows what?" Jane asked, already fearing the worst.

"About you and Maura," Frankie responded, nonchalantly.

"She _knows_?" Jane asked.

"Everyone knows," Frankie pointed out. "And your reaction just confirmed there's something happening between the two of you."

"I have to feed Jo Friday," Jane told him.

It wasn't entirely a lie, but Jane was still grateful for an excuse to leave.

"Ma isn't against it," Frankie called out as Jane walked away.

She would never admit it to him, but talking to her brother had actually clarified the situation for Jane. If her brother and her mom could be okay with her having feelings for Maura, why couldn't she?

As she fed her dog, she tried thinking of exactly what she should say to Maura, but nothing sounded appropriate for that moment, so she decided it was best if some confessions weren't planned. She wanted to sound sincere and she knew the only way to sound truly sincere was if she didn't rehearse anything.

Jane debated buying flowers for Maura, but she was feeling so impatient that even the simple gesture of buying flowers would take too much time. Sure, it was a romantic gesture, but Jane just couldn't wait. She was in love with Maura and she didn't want to waste a single second buying flowers or even calling Maura in advance to let her know she was on her way over to see her.

There wasn't that much traffic during her drive to Beacon Hill, but it still felt like an eternity for Jane. _You can do this_, she told herself. _She's your best friend and you know she has feelings for you. She isn't going to reject you, Jane._ With that in mind, she made her way to Maura's door, but before she could knock she heard the sound of Maura's voice. Hearing Maura put her at ease until she heard another woman with her. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but the sound of the other woman laughing stripped Jane of what little confidence she had during this situation. _Did they go on a date? Is she flirting with her? Are they making any physical contact? Since when does Maura say things that would make somebody laugh out loud? Did Maura already forget that she's mine? _That last thought hit Jane harder than she expected it to. Maura wasn't hers and, until she did something about it, Maura wasn't going to be hers.

Not wanting to make a scene during what she hoped wasn't a date, Jane drove home without speaking to Maura. She wanted to send Maura a goodnight text message before going to bed, but as she laid there in her bed, all she could do was wonder what Maura was doing at that moment.


	4. Chapter 4

Nearly two hours had passed since Jane had lied down in her bed, two hours of wondering what Maura was doing and whether she had already moved on. Her ego was telling her it was impossible for Maura to have moved on. No woman could please Maura the way she did. No woman could deal with (and maybe even enjoy) Maura's quirks the way she did. Most importantly, she knew no other woman could love Maura the way she did. The realization that she actually _loved _Maura is what was keeping her awake and she knew there was no substitute for her. She tried cuddling up to her dog, but as cuddly as Jo Friday could be, her canine companion was still no substitute for cuddling with Maura. She would never admit it to Maura, but Jane never laid her head on the pillow Maura typically used. She wanted _her _scent and her scent _alone _to be on that pillow. Whenever they were apart, Jane would have her scent on that pillow to remind her of the woman she loved. If that wasn't enough, there were text messages exchanged and photographs of Maura that Jane would pull out from hiding places that her mom or Frankie would never stumble upon. Jane pulled out one of the photos, but tonight that wouldn't suffice. It was now after midnight and maybe it was the fact that she was restless or lonely or maybe even a little of both, but Jane decided she wasn't going to go another night without confessing everything to Maura.

Jane arrived at Maura's house in record time. As great of an idea as this might have seemed while she was in her bedroom, while she was standing outside of Maura's front door all of her confidence started to fade. The lights were off, which made her wonder if Maura and her guest had retired to Maura's bedroom, but the silence confused her. Jane knew Maura was never quiet during sex, or at least she wasn't quiet with her. She would tell Jane exactly what she wanted and Jane would comply whether or not she was confident in her abilities.

With that in mind, Jane started to loudly knock on Maura's door. She didn't know what she would be interrupting, but this time she didn't care.

"Jane?" Maura asked, still half asleep. Her hair was slightly messy and she was wearing one of Jane's old t-shirts. It wasn't exactly a long shirt, but it was long enough to leave something to the imagination, much to Jane's disappointment. _Was she with another woman right now and she's so worn out that she fell asleep? Would she even dare wear a shirt I gave her after being with another woman? _There were so many things Jane could have said in the moment, but she firmly grabbed Maura by the sides of her waist and pulled her into her.

"Jane—" Maura started to say until she was interrupted by Jane pressing her lips to hers. Maura's lips were so soft and the way Maura started to part them served as an invitation that she wanted Jane to take what they were doing a step further. Jane had suddenly become hesitant, so Maura took the initiative. The feeling of Maura's tongue touching hers was Jane's favorite way to be kissed. It was intimate, it was exciting—it was something she only allowed _Maura _to do. Even in her half asleep state, Maura was still able to turn Jane on in a way that nobody else could. She didn't think it was possible, but she physically ached for this woman.

"We can go to my room," Maura said, finally looking Jane in the eyes.

"No," Jane said as she held Maura close to her. "That's not why I'm here." She wanted Maura, there was no denying it, but wanted Maura to know what she felt was something deeper than a desire to _physically _be with her.

She didn't want to leave Jane's embrace, but Maura knew there was something important Jane had to tell her. She grabbed the object of her affection by the hand and led her to the couch. They could have sat at opposite ends of the couch—goodness knows it was large enough for them to do so—but Maura took it upon herself to sit close enough to Jane so that their wasn't an inch of space in between them.

"Who was here earlier?" Jane asked. She knew she was approaching the subject as incorrectly as she possibly could, but there was something about being this close to a sleepy yet adorable Maura that made her an emotional wreck.

"A friend," Maura replied.

"What kind of friend?" Jane asked.

"Is that what you came over to ask me?"

"No," Jane responded although she really wanted an answer from her.

Maura could see through her response. Jane may not have wanted to admit it, but Maura knew Jane was jealous and she couldn't help being flattered and maybe even thrilled that Jane was jealous enough to drive over to her house in the middle of the night.

"Were you here earlier?" Maura asked.

"No," Jane responded, but the look Maura shot her made her change her answer. "Yes. Maura, that's not the point."

"She's a friend from college."

"A married friend from college?" Jane asked hopefully.

"She's a very married and very _straight_ friend from college," Maura said, still amused by Jane's jealousy.

"Did you ever like her?" Jane asked, still not convinced enough to drop the subject.

"Was I ever attracted to her?" Maura corrected her. "No."

"Was she ever _attracted _to you?" Jane asked and quickly retracted her question. "Maura, I'm sorry."

Jane looked over at the woman she loved, the woman who was now falling asleep. When she had kissed Maura earlier, she noticed the taste of wine on her tongue. As Jane took in her surroundings, she noticed an empty bottle of some wine that probably cost as much as Jane made in a week and she figured that might have been the reason why Maura was so sleepy. Consuming more than one glass of wine at home typically elicited one of two responses from Maura; it either made her act like an animal in heat or it made her sleepy. Because Jane wasn't with her while she was drinking, she was grateful it was the latter.

As much as Jane had wanted to confess her feelings to Maura, she knew it wasn't the right time. Instead, she led Maura into her room and helped her into bed. She was going to leave, but the sight of Maura fast asleep in her bed was too tempting for Jane. She stripped down to her underwear and retired to her usual spot on Maura's bed. While closely holding the woman she loved, Jane was finally able to fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane looked outside Maura's bedroom window and she wasn't surprised to find lightly falling snow. The snowflakes weren't quite flurries, but she knew this snowfall wasn't going to last long. For the first time since childhood, she wished for a snowstorm. When she was a child, a snowstorm meant a day off from school and a day of playing in the snow with her brothers. The three Rizzoli children would start their day innocently enough by making snow versions of themselves. Snow Jane typically wore a Red Sox cap and Jane's favorite scarf—or at least Snow Jane would wear the scarf until Angela noticed and lectured her on what could happen if she didn't wear a scarf outside. Young Jane would then become bored with building snow people and start pelting her brothers with snowballs until they yelled at her to stop. The three of them would switch from one snow day activity to the next and, without fail Jane would end up grounded by dinnertime for her snow day shenanigans. Looking back on those days made Jane long for the simplicity and innocence of childhood, when her biggest worries involved sports and finishing her homework on time. Instead of snowball fights and sledding, Jane had other plans for this snow day, or what she hoped would be a snow day. It didn't matter to her if there were a foot of snow on the ground or even a dreaded Nor'easter; all she wanted was to spend her entire day indoors with the object of her affection, the woman who was so peacefully sleeping, completely unaware of the dilemma Jane was facing. She knew she had to tell her she loved her—she even felt as if she owed it to her, but how exactly was she going to say it? Simply confessing it to her seemed appropriate when she was back at her own apartment, but after spending the night holding Maura, spewing these words from her mouth seemed like nowhere near good enough.

Within minutes, she devised a plan and tried to remain as quiet as possible as she executed her plan. Maura may not have been her girlfriend or even a woman she dated, but suddenly Jane wasn't the slightest bit nervous about rushing into domesticity. Jane Rizzoli was about to make breakfast for the woman she loved, although she was well aware of Maura's discriminating tastes.

The sound of Jane searching for pans and utensils must have awoken Maura because, in a matter of minutes, she was standing in the kitchen still clad in Jane's t-shirt.

"Would you like some help?" Maura asked as she made her way over to Jane. Jane tried to be in control of the situation until she felt Maura touch her hand. That skin-to-skin contact, regardless of how innocent the gesture may have been, made Jane lose her composure.

"This wasn't what I had planned," Jane said nervously, wishing she could somehow get her confidence back.

"Making me breakfast wasn't what you had planned?" Maura asked, staring intently into Jane's eyes.

"Falling in love with you isn't what I had planned," Jane confessed. She never had a definitive plan, but she still knew this wasn't the most romantic way to confess her feelings to Maura.

"Jane, I—"

"Maura, I hadn't planned on falling in love with you," Jane repeated. "But falling in love with you feels right and—"

She wished Maura would have interrupted her and not vice versa. Falling in love with Maura may have felt right, but swallowing her pride and confessing her love took her far out of her comfort zone. Not wanting to make herself feel too vulnerable, Jane stopped talking and waited for something—_anything_—from Maura.

"I overslept," Maura said worriedly after looking at the clock.

"So?" Jane asked.

"My guests will be here in less than two hours," Maura told her.

"You have friends other than me and the mystery woman from last night?" Jane asked and immediately regretted her question.

"I have friends," Maura said defensively. "Acquaintances, actually. I haven't seen any of them since our biochemistry course during our freshman year."

"So, in two hours, there will be a gaggle of Mauras in here?" Jane asked in disbelief.

"You're welcome to stay," Maura insisted, completely ignoring Jane's sarcasm.

"No," Jane responded without giving her answer a second thought. "I can barely handle one. Enjoy your college reunion."

Jane wasn't sure if Maura's invitation for her to stay was sincere or if she was just trying to be a good hostess. Regardless, Jane knew Maura's house was the one place she didn't want to be. With only a quick goodbye exchanged, Jane left Maura's house. _That was her reaction? _Jane asked herself. _I tell Maura I'm in love with her and she practically makes me leave her apartment. She had her chance. I'm not telling her again._

As Jane walked around her neighborhood later that afternoon, she noticed a young woman quickly place a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek when she thought nobody was looking and her girlfriend responded by giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Jane typically didn't notice such displays of affection, but this time she couldn't stop smiling and she couldn't help picturing Maura. _Maybe having a girlfriend isn't too unbearable. _

The more couples she noticed that day, the more she thought of Maura and how much more enjoyable the afternoon would have been with Maura by her side. She had broken Maura's heart and, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew Maura's reaction was justified, but that no longer discouraged Jane. She now saw it as an opportunity to go above and beyond if she wanted to make Maura hers.


	6. Chapter 6

A week had passed since Jane had confessed her feelings for Maura and neither of them had dared bring up the subject again. The two of them went about their daily routine—or as much of a routine as they could have with careers like theirs—both wondering who should be the one to break the ice. There had been times when they had come close to addressing the subject, but a phone call or something work-related always interfered with whatever discussion they could have. By the end of the week, Maura began to wonder if the two of them were purposely putting off their discussion or confrontation or whatever it was, Maura, herself, didn't even know, but what she was aware of is her need for answers. Jane had confessed her love for her, but why she chose to confess at that time and in that manner was beyond Maura. Did Jane spew her feelings to avoid confrontation? Was she worried about no longer being welcomed in Maura's bed? Was she afraid of losing her best friend? Or maybe Jane really was in love with Maura and her romantically challenged persona prevented her from finding a proper way of confessing her feelings for her. Maura hoped it had been the latter and, if it was, she was going to give Jane another chance. Jane was just as in love with her as she was with Jane and she knew there would be a lot of effort put forth if they were going to establish a proper relationship with each other.

The past week had been filled with its awkward moments; Jane even joked that Maura was more socially awkward than usual, but the teasing went over Maura's head. She lost herself in her work, as did Jane, so there would be no opportunities for the two of them to be together in a social setting. For the two of them, social settings involved alcohol and alcohol could lead to them losing their inhibitions and discussing their feelings for each other or giving in to each other physically. A casual night of drinks is what started their arrangement—the arrangement that led to Jane and Maura having such strong feelings for each other instead of merely sharing nights of uninhibited and uncomplicated sex with absolutely no strings attached. Still, as much as Maura had enjoyed their arrangement and every mind-blowing orgasm that resulted from it, there was so much more to her feelings about Jane than her skilled tongue or her ability to fill her up and stretch her out in the best way while still being so gentle and loving with her. Maura loved Jane; she loved _everything _about Jane. Beyond the physical aspect of Jane, she loved her protective and caring nature, she loved her sense of humor, she loved how close she was to her family; she even loved her sarcasm although she would never admit _that _to Jane.

With her college acquaintances no longer in town after their unofficial reunion and not wanting to be in a social setting with Jane, Maura had no plans for the evening other than spending time with Bass and doing some online shopping. She had an evening of solitude ahead of her, which is why she was surprised to find Jane sitting on the couch the moment she walked in the door. Jane may have been a grown woman, but her appearance was reminiscent of a teenager as she was sitting on Maura's couch while wearing jeans and a t-shirt and clutching a single red rose. The usually confident Jane Rizzoli was nervously smiling at Maura and, she may have been mistaken, but Maura could have sworn she detected the slightest hint of red appearing on Jane's cheeks.

Maura wasn't inexperienced when it came to dating, but never before had she been in a situation such as this one. It wasn't the most romantic gesture someone had ever shown her, but seeing Jane on the couch holding a rose that she had picked especially for her, made Maura realize that this was truly the sweetest and most sincere gesture anyone has ever shown her. Maura was unaware of what she should do next. Should she sit next to Jane? Should she wait for Jane to approach her? Two minutes had passed, but it felt like an eternity for Maura as the two of them gazed at each other and wondered what should happen next.

_I love her_, Maura thought as she sat next to Jane on the couch.

"This is for you," Jane said as she handed Maura the rose.

"Thank you," Maura responded, still in awe of what Jane was doing. They were the first words the two of them had exchanged since Maura entered her house and they were both _still _unsure about what the next step should be.

"I love you, Maura," Jane told her. "I'm sorry I've denied it, but that isn't going to happen anymore. You have me, Maura, all of me and I want to do this the right way."

"What's the right way?" Maura asked as she leaned in to place a delicate kiss on Jane's cheek.

"Will you—" Jane began and bit her lip out of sheer nervousness. "Maura, will you do me the honor of…Maura this isn't me. Maura Isles, will you let me take you out on a date?"

"Is this what you want?" Maura asked as she squeezed Jane's hand.

"Yes!" Jane insisted. "I'm just not used to asking someone on a date."

"You're right," Maura began. "This isn't you. Be yourself, Jane. Be the Jane Rizzoli I feel in love with."

"I'm not going to be anything until I get an answer," Jane teased.

"Yes," Maura answered. The look on Jane's face made Maura wish she were the type of woman who could squeal with delight and jump up and down. Instead, she was kissed by her girlfriend or the woman she was dating—the title was unknown, but one thing was for certain, Maura was already looking forward to her first date with Jane.


	7. Chapter 7

An hour before she was due to arrive at Maura's house, Jane searched frantically for something appropriate to wear. The vast majority of her clothes weren't date-appropriate and the ones that were date-appropriate didn't feel Maura-appropriate. This wasn't going to be like her dates with men in which she put on an uncomfortable dress that she hated (but Angela loved) and prepared for an evening of small talk and her date's shameless attempts at impressing her. As the evening progressed and her date continued to talk, Jane would always try to think of a way to get out of the situation. Sometimes Maura would call with an excuse for her to leave and the two of them would wind up at Jane's apartment spending the rest of the night discussing bad dates and why Jane tormented herself by dating men she knew weren't right for her. Maura would always try to hint at the real reason these dates never worked out was because Jane wasn't meant to be with men, but by that time the two of them would have consumed so much alcohol that Maura's comments would go right over Jane's head.

It was moments like this that she wished she had girl friends. Whenever she wanted a woman's opinion, she would go to Maura, but since this problem of hers directly concerned Maura she now had no one to turn to. There was always her mom, but dating a woman was something Jane was going to try to keep from her mom as long as she could.

With forty-five minutes left, Jane put on the one item of clothing that practically every woman has been required to own for decades: a little black dress. The dress looked great on Jane, or so she had been told by her mom and Maura, but something about that dress just didn't feel appropriate for her date with Maura. She worried about showing up at Maura's house and seeing Maura in a black dress. Would that be passé on a date? Dressing up the same as her date was something she never had to worry about when she dated men and, although she didn't own any of the same dresses as Maura, she was still worried about the looks they would get if they wore the same color.

With only twenty minutes until she was due to meet Maura, Jane settled for black pants and a purple button-up. It was what Jane liked to consider a safe outfit; it wasn't too dressy or too casual and she knew Maura wouldn't be wearing anything similar to it. _I was right_, Jane thought as she left her apartment. _I knew if I were dating a woman, I'd be the guy_.

When Jane saw Maura for the first time that night, she couldn't take her eyes off of her. She knew it was inappropriate, but her eyes were fixated on Maura's plunging neckline and how her slim-fitting black dress hugged every curve of her body. Although she would have also looked stunning in her black dress, at that moment, Jane felt as if no woman had ever looked as beautiful as Maura looked and no woman ever would. As excited as she was about their date, Jane suddenly wished they could bypass the formalities and go straight to Maura's bedroom. Jane loved the way Maura's dress looked on her, but she knew she'd love it even more if it were off of her.

Jane left it up to Maura to choose which restaurant they were going to, which turned out to not be one of her greatest ideas. Jane couldn't pronounce anything on the menu, so Maura had to explain what each dish was and, to top it off, she had to order for her. It was no different from any other time they had gone to a restaurant of Maura's choosing, but this time it was bruising Jane's ego. While on their date, she wanted to be in charge and she wasn't happy with relinquishing that to Maura.

"This isn't so bad," Jane said once their food had arrived.

"Your dinner isn't so bad?" Maura asked.

"No, my dinner is horrible. I meant dating you isn't so bad."

"Are you this charming on all of your dates?" Maura teased. Jane detected the hint of sarcasm in Maura's voice, which surprisingly put her at ease. She may have been on a date, but dating her best friend meant she didn't have to worry about any first date awkwardness. She could be herself, whether or not that was a good thing for Maura.

"Are _you_?" Jane retorted. "Maybe there's a reason we're both still single. We're undateable."

"Jane, that isn't a word," Maura said in a flustered tone of voice. She looked like she was about to hyperventilate which made Jane want to tease her even more.

"And that right there is why you're undateable," Jane added. "But I'm…kind of glad you are."

"Why?" Maura asked after Jane had finally piqued her interest.

"Because I don't want you with some other woman," Jane confessed, fixating her eyes on the dessert menu so Maura wouldn't see how embarrassed she was to have admitted that.

There were so many things Maura wanted to say to Jane, but she was rendered speechless by Jane's confession and she felt it might be best to enjoy the moment for what it was instead of questioning Jane. With Jane's last statement playing on repeat in her mind, Maura smiled an adoring smile at her and waited for Jane to make the next move. Unfortunately for Maura, the next move never came. While Maura was waiting for Jane to make the next move, Jane was wondering if she _should _make a move. Maura's hands were on the table and she could have easily reached over and laced her fingers with Maura's, but by the time Jane had mentally prepared herself to make that move, their check had already arrived and Maura was paying for dinner regardless of how much Jane protested.

"So, _you're _the guy?" Jane said in a joking manner as they walked to her car.

"We're both women," Maura said and gave her a confused look.

"Really, Maura, it was a joke," Jane informed her.

During the drive back to Maura's house, Jane tried her hardest not to grab Maura's hand, but the urge to have physical contact with her was too overwhelming. While at a red light, she smiled at Maura and casually laced her fingers with hers, which is where they stayed for the remainder of the drive to Maura's house. Jane only let go of Maura's hand long enough for the two of them to get out of her car.

They had come to the end of their first date and it was the moment Jane had been dreading. She was aching to get Maura out of her dress, but she didn't want to give Maura the wrong impression. She was after more than sex and, now that she was actually _dating_ Maura, she wanted to do everything the right way, which meant taking her time and treating Maura like a lady.

"Do you want to come inside?" Maura asked. Jane wanted to say yes more than ever before, but she knew going inside Maura's house would soon lead to going inside Maura's bedroom.

"Not on the first date," Jane said and kissed her on the cheek. "Goodnight, Maura."

It was an innocent kiss on the cheek, but Maura couldn't stop smiling the moment she closed the door behind her. Less than a minute later, she checked her phone and noticed there was already a message from Jane.

"_Do I get a second date?_"

"_I'll even let you choose the restaurant_," Maura responded before changing into another one of Jane's t-shirts.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks so much for all of the fic love. :)**

A week had passed since their first date and, although Maura was focused on her job and life's mundane details, she couldn't help taking a moment every now and then to think about the woman she was now dating, especially because she saw Jane on a regular basis. Even when it was unnecessary, Maura would find _some _reason to stop by Jane's desk in an ensemble worthy of being featured in the pages of _Vogue_. She knew Jane was no slave to fashion, but Maura had the strongest urge to impress her every moment they were in each other's presence. Before they began dating, Maura dressed for herself, but now she was dressing for Jane. She knew Jane was attracted to her; she even knew that Jane loved her, but she wanted Jane to _desire _her and think only about her. Ever since their first date, Maura had started noticing every little detail about Jane. She had memorized all of Jane's facial expressions and what each one of them meant. Without her even saying a word, she knew what emotions Jane was feeling. Not quite knowing how or when it happened, Maura had become addicted to Jane.

Jane was due to arrive in less than an hour and Maura still wasn't ready for their date. It was Jane's turn to pick the restaurant and Maura was a bit apprehensive about what Jane would choose. Jane wouldn't reveal anything about her plans for their date and every time Maura would ask, all she would say is, "It's a surprise." She felt guilty for not giving Jane more credit, but she couldn't help imagining their second date taking place at a sports bar. It didn't actually bother Maura, in fact, she found it endearing, but what she really wanted was a night alone with Jane.

It had been a little over two weeks since the last time Jane was in her bed and, although two weeks wasn't that much time in comparison to dry spells she had experienced in the past, two weeks without feeling Jane's hands all over her felt like a lifetime. Maura tried everything she could to get her mind off of sex and she was almost always successful, except for when she saw Jane. Regardless of how Jane looked or what she wore, the mere sight of her was like an aphrodisiac. Jane's unruly hair. Jane's hair in a ponytail. Jane in a t-shirt. Jane in a tank top. Happy Jane. Angry Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. They hadn't even made it to their second date and she was already consuming Maura's thoughts. To make matters worse, she didn't even have her best friend to confide in about this newfound behavior of hers. Maura Isles felt like a teenager with her first girlfriend and, more than anything, she needed her best friend.

Maura was surprised to hear a knock on the door, which signaled Jane's arrival. Jane was fifteen minutes early—fifteen minutes which Maura desperately needed. Her hair was neatly in place and her make-up had been perfectly applied, but she was still clad in nothing but her panties and a short silk robe. The dress she was going to wear was still hanging in her closet and it would have taken a mere twenty or thirty seconds to put on, but she had something else in mind now. Maura was on the prowl and she wanted to be as blatantly obvious as she could with Jane.

Leaving little to the imagination, Maura opened the door and grabbed Jane by the hand. Jane was rendered speechless, which only inflated Maura's ego. She had Jane Rizzoli right where she wanted her and she was going to spend the whole night showing her how much she loved her.

"Get dressed," Jane said and playfully smacked Maura's behind. As innocent as the gesture was supposed to be, it only further aroused Maura. That playful smack on her behind was the equivalent of flipping a switch within Maura. The moment she noticed Jane had sat down on the couch, she rushed back to her.

"Maura, what are—" Jane began to ask, but she lost all concentration due to the sight of Maura quickly untying her robe. The silky garment fell to the floor, leaving Maura fully exposed except for the panties she now regretted wearing. They were lacy and left little to the imagination, but at that moment, she wanted to be fully exposed and available for Jane.

"Let's stay in," Maura urged her. She didn't give Jane an opportunity to answer before she started straddling her waist. Jane looked like she had something to tell Maura, but the moment Jane opened her mouth, Maura pressed her lips to hers. Maura felt uninhibited—almost feral—just as she felt before they started dating. With Jane's hands firmly gripping her waist and her tongue grazing her neck, Maura clenched her lips just to keep from crying out.

Maura became so lost in the moment that she failed to realize Jane had lifted her up and started carrying her over to her bed. They remained lip-locked the entire time Jane was carrying her except for when Jane accidentally hit her elbow on the wall. She winced in pain for a moment, but not even that was enough to keep her from carrying Maura.

Jane gently laid Maura down on her bed and grazed her fingertips over the lacy waistband of Maura's panties. Although there was no skin-to-skin contact, Maura felt her whole body start to tense and she became aggravated by every layer of clothing Jane was still wearing.

"Are you sure?" Jane asked as she gently tugged at the lacy garment.

"Yes," Maura responded without any follow up. Her inarticulate response took Jane by surprise and, as much as Jane wanted her, she wasn't sure if she was ready for this. She wanted a proper relationship and she thought Maura wanted the same, but could what they were doing eventually lead to that? As she entered Maura, both of them were overwhelmed with emotion. Was this fucking? Was it lovemaking? Regardless of what they called it, both women felt like they had taken a step back and returned to the relationship they used to have.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. This chapter has bits and pieces of an M rating. Just thought I'd warn you. :)**

Maura slowly opened her eyes to allow herself time to adjust to the natural light. The sun was shining outside, but the day or the beauty it held was of little importance to Maura because, at that moment, the most beautiful sight she had ever seen was in her bed. Last night, she had fallen asleep naked with Jane, or, perhaps before Jane, because Jane had a tendency to fall asleep after her regardless of how tired she was. She wanted to protect Maura at all times and making sure she was peacefully sleeping was just another way she felt she could keep Maura safe. Maura thought it was endearing and it was yet another reason why she had fallen in love with Jane.

She had fallen asleep on her side, cuddled up to Jane, her leg wrapped around Jane's thighs. As usual, Jane fell asleep on her back, the fingers on her left hand intertwined with the fingers on Maura's right hand. It was Maura's favorite way to fall asleep and, to anyone who might be observing, Maura looked as if she was holding on to Jane for dear life. She certainly felt as if she were doing so. As she remained in that position, she felt the firmness of Jane's body—so firm yet soft at the same time, which is yet another thing Maura loved about her.

"Good morning," Jane said and gave Maura an innocent kiss on her forehead. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not very long," Maura responded. Jane noticed a different look in Maura's eyes that morning—a look of need. Maura wouldn't say it, but she _needed _Jane. She needed her in her life and she needed to be in Jane's heart. Maura wasn't sure what last night had meant to Jane, but it had forever changed Maura. She no longer felt as if she were having sex with her best friend; instead, she felt as if she were making love to her girlfriend. They weren't exactly a couple yet, more like just friends. Just friends. Maura hated that term. Yes, they were friends, but they were never _just _friends. With their friendship came love, devotion, and a bond that nobody could break.

"How did you sleep?" Jane asked. It was small talk and that was starting to frustrate Maura.

She responded by maneuvering herself on top of Jane. The moment she knew Jane was going to speak again, she pressed her lips to hers. This wasn't the time for small talk.

"I love you," Maura said, looking into Jane's dark eyes.

"I love you, too," Jane responded.

Maura began placing kisses along Jane's collarbones before slowly moving her mouth to Jane's breasts, gently circling her nipple with the tip of her tongue. Maura wanted to take her time and savor every moment, but she was so filled with need for this woman that she couldn't hold out for another second. She returned to her original position, straddling Jane. She was wet—extremely wet—maybe even wetter than Jane. Regardless, she had to find out.

"What are you doing?" Jane asked with a smile wider than usual.

"Don't say anything," Maura insisted. "I just want you to feel me."

Maura locked hands with Jane to keep herself centered, her wetness now directly mixing with Jane's, and positioning herself so perfectly that she could swear she felt Jane's clit against hers. She looked into Jane's eyes, her pleading eyes. It wasn't until she was on top that she realized how vulnerable Jane was in this position. Maura was in complete control and, with that in mind, she started to slowly grind herself into Jane.

"Are you feeling me?" Maura asked. She meant it more than physically and she hoped Jane could sense that.

"Yeah," Jane responded, their eyes still locked on each other.

Maura quickened her pace and grinded herself even harder into Jane. Her hands had gone from holding Jane's to gripping Jane's shoulders. Maura was moaning, clenching her muscles, digging her nails into Jane; doing anything she possibly could to make the moment last even longer. The usually proper and refined Dr. Isles was now working herself into a frenzy and even Jane, herself, couldn't believe what she was witnessing, but if this is what sex was going to be like now that they were dating, Jane was grateful that she had asked Maura out.

While maintaining a strong grip on Maura's thighs, Jane pulled her woman toward her.

"What are you doing?" Maura asked in a tone that had a combination of confusion and frustration.

"Let me take care of you," Jane insisted before kissing Maura. The kiss was delicate at first, but intensified when Jane's fingers entered Maura. She pumped in and out of her as fast and hard as she could, reveling in the feeling of Maura tightening around her fingers, creating a firm grip and even making a sucking motion. With nothing more than one final thrust, Maura couldn't hold back any longer. Her body released wave after wave of orgasm until all of her energy was spent. She had moaned loudly into Jane's ear, but Jane wasn't complaining. It was an ego boost to know she could elicit that response from such an exquisite woman.

"Calm down, baby," Jane whispered as she held Maura close to her. She wasn't used to that term of endearment and she hoped Maura hadn't caught on to it.

"You called me 'baby,'" Maura said as unenthusiastically as she could.

"I did," Jane admitted.

"What does that mean for us?" Maura asked.

It was the question Jane had been dreading. She liked being on a date with Maura, she especially liked having sex with Maura, but she hated defining what they were to each other. She could just be with Maura—no labels attached. Why couldn't Maura do the same?

"I have to go," Jane said as she hurriedly got out from under the covers.

"Why?" Maura asked.

"I just have to go," Jane insisted. "I don't always have to give you an explanation."

"…okay," Maura said hesitantly. In a matter of seconds, Jane was dressed and headed out the door, leaving Maura to wonder what she did wrong.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks so much for the feedback. I was inspired, so I decided to update a little sooner than usual. :)**

It didn't take long for Jane to realize that she had hurt the woman she loved. There was nothing worse for Jane than seeing Maura's heart break. Whenever some incredibly good-looking, albeit undeserving, man or woman would break Maura's heart, Jane would spend time consoling Maura, so why wasn't she consoling Maura now? That morning, Maura's heart broke more than it ever had before and during the entire drive home all Jane could think about was the expression on Maura's face as she got dressed and left her in her bed. Jane knew Maura was trying to be strong; she didn't want Jane to have the satisfaction of seeing her cry, but Jane saw the tears treacle down and the look of sadness and defeat on Maura's face. She wanted to turn around—she _should _have turned around and apologized, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. Instead, it took the entire drive home and five minutes worth of lounging around with Jo Friday for Jane to gather the nerve to see Maura.

She hurried back to her car and, while she was driving, she rehearsed what she was going to say. She knew she looked ridiculous to nearby motorists, but Jane didn't care. This was a matter of the heart and she was more than willing to sacrifice her pride. Without hesitation, she opened Maura's front door and was surprised to see Maura fast asleep on her couch. She had always looked beautiful while she slept, but there was something about her tear-stained face that made her even more beautiful.

"Maura," Jane whispered as she gently shook her awake.

"Jane?" Maura asked. Her eyes were still closed, but there was no mistaking Jane's voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I lie down with you?" Jane asked. Maura had no verbal response. She just switched her position long enough to allow Jane to lie down. The couch wasn't wide enough for the two of them, so Maura made herself comfortable on top of Jane, her head positioned so she could listen to Jane's heartbeat. Her heartbeat was usually so rhythmic, almost like a lullaby for Maura, but today she noticed a change in the rhythm. Jane was nervous and Maura had to find out why.

"I love you so much, Maura," Jane said and kissed Maura on the top of her head. The kiss elicited a smile from Maura and, although Jane couldn't see her smile, she could always sense when Maura smiled. It wasn't cold inside Maura's house, but Jane felt the urge to cover them with a blanket and hold Maura as close to her as she possibly could.

"I love you, too," Maura responded. She gave Jane a quick kiss on her hand and that simple gesture is what finally put Jane at ease.

It was something she didn't want to do, but Jane decided it was time to swallow her pride. "Maura, I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. I never should have left you. You're the most important person in my life and I'm so afraid of losing you."

Maura moved up so she was eye level with Jane. "You're afraid of losing me, but you continue to break my heart?"

"I know," Jane said sadly. "I'm never going to hurt you again. Just give me another chance, Maura. I promise you I'll be the best girlfriend that any woman has ever had."

"I don't think you're ready to be in a relationship with me," Maura told her.

"I'm not," Jane admitted. "But I will be someday. I know I will. I even know how I'm going to ask you."

"You do?" Maura asked, finally perking up.

"I do," Jane reassured her. "Maura, please just give me another chance."

"Under one condition," Maura began.

"Anything."

"We need to talk to each other. Jane, you're the best friend I've ever had and I don't want to lose that friendship."

"But we fell in love with each other," Jane pointed out.

"We did," Maura agreed. "We fell in love with each other and we tried to take on a relationship that we weren't ready for, which is why we need some guidelines."

"Guidelines?" Jane groaned. "Maura."

Maura hurried over to her desk to grab a pen and a piece of notebook paper. When she returned, she saw that Jane was sitting upright, so she made it appoint to sit on her lap. "_Jane and Maura's Rules of Attraction_," Maura quickly wrote on a piece of notebook paper.

"Really?" Jane asked sarcastically. "We have to go through all of this?"

"_Rule number one_," Maura wrote. "_Communicate effectively._"

"Rule number two," Jane told Maura. "No sex."

"No sex?" Maura asked in disbelief. "Jane, we can't—"

"No sex," Jane insisted.

"But why?" Maura asked.

"I love you," Jane began. "I'm just having a hard time bridging the gap between friends with benefits and dating. Jumping into bed with each other didn't exactly help. I want to treat you like a lady, not someone I just come to for sex, although I think we make love to each other instead of just having sex."

"That's what this is about?" Maura asked.

"Yes!" Jane insisted. "There's that and this constant need to define what we are to each other. Let's just say we're dating. We're dating _for now_, but we'll be a couple when we're ready."

"Are you going to tell your mom about us?" Maura asked in a joking manner.

"Soon," Jane told her. "She'll be surprised I'm dating a woman, but that'll be overshadowed by me dating a doctor. She's always wanted a doctor in the family."

"So, no sex?" Maura asked, making their conversation come full circle.

"I'm not saying no sex for the rest of our lives," Jane insisted. "Just no sex until we're both ready and we can both handle the emotions that come along with it."

"I can work with that," Maura said although she wasn't sure.

"We'll see how long it lasts," Jane teased.

"Let's work on effective communication," Maura began. "The sooner we master our communication skills, the sooner we can make love."

Jane just smiled at her. There was no arguing with an amorous Maura Isles, so she decided to give Maura her way. She loved Maura and, as she watched her write down a list of rules for them, she couldn't help falling in love with her even more.


	11. Chapter 11

Jane had wanted to take Maura out to dinner, but the weather had other plans for them. She had cancelled their date because of the snowstorm, but Maura wouldn't hear of it. The two of them were given an opportunity to have an entire night together and Maura wasn't willing to waste that opportunity at home. The snow was piling up outside and visibility on the road was low, but Maura was willing to brave any kind of weather to see Jane. Jane may have cancelled their date, but she held on to hope that Jane only cancelled because of the weather and not because she didn't want to see her.

"Maura?" Jane asked in complete surprise when she opened the door to her apartment. "Sweetheart, what are you doing here?"

"I missed you," Maura admitted.

Jane pulled her in for a hug. The woman she loved had braved a snowstorm just to spend time with her and Jane never wanted to let go of her. She looked at the remnants of snow on Maura. Her hair was slightly damp and her nose was like a little icicle. Never in her life had Jane seen a sight as cute as Maura just coming in from the snow.

"Let's get you into something warm," Jane said as she helped Maura out of her coat. "I was just thinking about you before you showed up."

"What were you thinking?" Maura asked, hoping Jane would respond with a cute, but cheesy answer.

"Nothing," Jane said shyly. Maura's heart nearly melted when she saw Jane's dimpled smile. Out of all the nights she had spent with Jane, Maura knew there was something different about tonight. Jane was being so attentive and loving and Maura wanted to enjoy the moment for as long as she could.

"You can change into these," Jane said and handed her a pair of flannel pajama pants and a sweatshirt. It wasn't what Maura was used to sleeping in, but the sweatshirt smelled like Jane, so Maura couldn't resist. "I promise I won't look."

"Jane, you can look," Maura told her.

"No, I can't," Jane insisted. "Remember, no sex. Why do you think I'm keeping you covered up? Seeing you change out of your clothes will make me even hornier than I already am."

"I can help you with that," Maura said as she started to take off her blouse. Jane tried her hardest not to look, but once she caught a glimpse of Maura in her bra, her libido went into overdrive. She _had _to feel her.

"No sex below the neck," Jane insisted.

"That's fine," Maura agreed, although she had no intentions of abiding by that rule. She laid next to Jane, slightly annoyed by the fact that Jane was still fully clothed. "To answer that question you asked me so long ago, yes, this is a sleepover and, yes, I'm attracted to you."

"I'm more than attracted to you," Jane began and Maura hoped again for a cheesy statement. "I'm in love with you."

"I know you're in love with me," Maura teased.

"I just like saying it," Jane admitted. "It has nothing to do with you being a woman. It's because of who you are. I'm in love and I'm coming to terms with being in love."

Jane had said no sex below the neck, so Maura moved closer to Jane and started kissing her neck. The kisses were soft and gentle until she heard a moan from Jane. The sound of her moaning overwhelmed Maura. She nibbled on Jane's neck, completely unaware that she was leaving her mark on Jane. Jane would have some explaining to do when they were out in public, but Maura didn't care because leaving marks made her feel as if she were staking her claim on the woman she loved.

"How about no sex below the waist?" Maura suggested, her fingertips now grazing Jane's abs.

"Maura," Jane said, moving Maura's hands away from her. "You know how turned on I am by you, but I really think we should wait to have sex."

"Okay," Maura responded as she reached for the pajamas Jane let her borrow. "Jane, if it's that important to you, we'll wait. Our relationship—"

"Our relationship?" Jane teased. Maura looked flabbergasted, so Jane decided to let that little slip up go.

"What did we do together before we started having sex?" Maura asked. Now that she was fully clothed, she cuddled up to Jane.

"We _thought _about having sex with each other," Jane reminded her. "We would lay together, flirt with each other, touch each other. Maura, how does nobody know about us?"

"They assume we're friends, very _close _friends," Maura laughed.

"Well, we are," Jane added. "We're dating, but we're still best friends. You're not my girlfriend yet. You will be soon enough."

"How about Scrabble?" Maura suggested out of nowhere.

"Scrabble, it is," Jane agreed. She grabbed the board and the two of them stared nervously at their letters. The point of playing this game was to get their mind off of sex, but it just wasn't working for them.

"Let's play something else," Maura insisted.

"Afraid you'll lose, Poindexter?" Jane teased. She was staring at her letters and trying to come up with a word that she hoped would earn her a higher score than whichever word Maura might have.

"No," Maura responded. "I just—Jane, please, let's play another game."

"Nice try," Jane told her. "Put your letters down. I already have my word arranged."

"I warned you," Maura reminded her. She grabbed five of her tiles and arranged the word "labia" on the board. "It's the first word that came to mind."

"Labia, Maura?" Jane asked in disbelief. "You couldn't have just used the word 'bail' or 'lab?' Maura, you work in a lab, how did 'lab' not come to mind?"

"'Lab' didn't come to mind because I'm thinking about labia," Maura pointed out. "Also, 'labia' is worth more points."

Instead of being frustrated, Jane couldn't help but laugh. "No more Scrabble. How about a horror movie?"

"Horror movies are so inaccurate," Maura began. "Decapitation would result in—"

"Maura, stop," Jane interrupted. "Okay, we won't watch a horror movie. I'm starting to realize why we spend most of our time having sex."

Maura smiled at Jane. "Why should we change our routine?"

"It's a routine?" Jane asked in disbelief.

"I didn't—" Maura began. "I don't mind watching a horror movie."

It was, perhaps, the most medically inaccurate movie they had ever watched and Maura made sure to point that out during almost every scene, but Jane didn't mind. She was with the woman she loved and she spent the rest of the night holding on to her.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you so much for the fic love and for adding this story to alerts and favorites. Sorry I haven't updated in so long. Writer's block is a cruel mistress.**

* * *

Jane woke up to a sight she hadn't seen in weeks. Her arms were around an awake, but still sleepy-eyed Maura. She knew she had fallen asleep holding her, but throughout the course of the night, the two of them had drifted apart and yet they had still found their way back to each other—they _always _found their way back to each other. Although it was cold outside, Maura slept in nothing more than one of Jane's old t-shirts. It was Maura's favorite garment to sleep in because she insisted that it smelled like Jane, but all Jane could smell on the shirt was a combination of Maura's perfume and body wash. It was a scent she could never describe, but it was so distinctly Maura. It was warm and inviting and smelling that scent meant she was fortunate enough to be holding Maura.

It wasn't Jane's intention to sleep over, but they had spent the entire night talking about a range of subjects from their favorite Christmas present as a child to articles Maura had recently read and what they were most looking forward to this spring. Most of their conversations that night were trivial, but Jane had learned things about Maura and that's what was most important to her. Maura was her best friend and the woman she was dating, but there was still so much she could learn about her. Jane was about to leave when she noticed Maura falling asleep on the couch, but Maura insisted that she stayed. There was no sex involved and not even the slightest bit of temptation. What Maura wanted was to know that her woman was there. She wanted to fall asleep with Jane's strong arms wrapped around her and to hear Jane's loving words when she woke up in the morning.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you first wake up?" Jane asked.

"Maybe one or two _dozen_ times," Maura said playfully. "But I'll never grow tired of hearing you say that."

Jane placed a delicate kiss on Maura's cheek. "And I'll never get tired of saying it."

"Jane?"

"Hmm?" Jane responded through her yawn.

"When did we become this trite?"

"Were we ever _not _trite?" Jane asked. "We're practically in a couple bubble now."

Maura looked confused. Jane had seen that look dozens of times, but she still couldn't get over how cute Maura looked when she was confused about one of Jane's statements. "A couple bubble?"

"We're in our own world," Jane responded.

"Couples often go through a period of nesting when they reach a certain level of comfort with each other," Maura began. "But, you and I aren't a couple."

Jane no longer felt comfortable with the direction this conversation was headed in. "I'm going to take a shower," she said and gave Maura a kiss on the cheek. "Let's go to Newbury Street after."

Newbury Street was all Maura needed to hear. "I'll join you in the shower," Maura suggested. "We'll save time…and water."

Jane playfully pinned her down on the bed. "Showering together would save neither time nor water, not with what we usually do in the shower. And, Maura, we have a no sex rule that I'm still enforcing."

Maura lifted her head up to kiss Jane. She didn't exactly understand why, but holding off on sex was making her fall even more in love with Jane. "If you're not out of the shower in five minutes, I'm joining you."

The snow was clearing and all along Newbury Street people had come out to enjoy the first afternoon of _freezing_, but snow-free weather the city had seen in days. Jane glanced at the woman walking beside her—the woman who was bundled up more than usual. The more Jane glanced at Maura, the more she noticed her ears were starting to turn pink. Maura didn't want to ruin her hair, so she had decided not to wear a beanie regardless of how much Jane had warned her.

"Babe, your ears are cold," Jane pointed out. Without giving it a second thought, Jane took her beanie off and placed it on Maura's head.

Much to Jane's disappointment, Maura chose not to respond verbally. Instead, she leaned in and kissed Jane on the lips. Massachusetts may have been a liberal state, but that didn't stop the catcalls that came from a couple of college guys standing nearby and a look of disgust that appeared on a woman's face as she covered her child's eyes. Jane could have sworn she heard an elderly woman mention something to her companion about eternal damnation and how 'their kind' are what's wrong with this younger generation of women. Not more than six people had negative reactions out of the nearly twenty or thirty nearby, but those six were the ones who stood out for Jane and those six were the ones who ruined her afternoon with Maura.

"Please, don't kiss me in public again," Jane said once they were walking in a more secluded area.

"I was expressing my gratitude," Maura pointed out.

"You _kissed _me, Maura," Jane said sternly. "You kissed me in public and I'm not ready for that. You've had your little flings with women and maybe they let you kiss them in public, but that's not going to happen with me. I can't flaunt this in front of everyone."

"I'm not ashamed of who I am," Maura admitted. "Giving you a chaste kiss on the lips is not flaunting our sexuality."

"I'm not ready, Maura," Jane said. She was trying not to become frustrated, but she honestly couldn't understand why Maura would put her in such a predicament when she knew she was struggling with her sexuality.

Maura felt a knot forming in her throat. "You're not ready to be with me, Jane. You keep saying we aren't a couple but we will be. I'm having my doubts. If I'm in a relationship with a woman, I want to be able to hold her hand or give her a kiss without wondering if she's embarrassed to be seen with me. You're the perfect girlfriend when we're in the comforts of my house or your apartment, but none of that is evident when we're in public."

"I wanted to hold your hand at the restaurant we went to on our first date," Jane confessed. "I kept thinking about what it would feel like to be out in the open with you, but I just couldn't do it. I was nervous about making a move and I was nervous about what people would say. Coming out isn't easy, Maura, especially at our age when people have a preconceived notion of what a woman in her thirties is supposed to be like, but I promise you it won't always be this way for us. Give me some time, Maura. Don't give up on me—on us."

Maura wanted to give Jane her beanie and leave her standing on the sidewalk, but the look of desperation in Jane's eyes was what prevented her from leaving. Jane loved her; she sincerely loved her.

Maura flashed her a smile in hopes of alleviating the tension between them. "Jane?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Nobody thinks you're straight," Maura said. She had wanted it to sound like a joke, but she knew there was a kernel of truth in her statement.

Without caring who was in sight, Jane pulled Maura in for a hug. "That'll make coming out a lot easier."


	13. Chapter 13

Maura once enjoyed spending time with Jane in the privacy of her own home or Jane's apartment, but as days passed she found herself having a blasé attitude toward her nights with Jane. Maura had never been a very social person outside of her best friend and a couple of acquaintances, but she longed to experience the excitement of the city now that she had someone to share it with. She wanted daytrips, dinners at nice (but not necessarily overpriced restaurants), and walks in the park. She wanted a woman who would give her a chaste kiss on the lips or even a kiss on the cheek because she couldn't resist her. Maura knew she had a lot to offer a woman; she was intelligent, passionate, and attractive. By all definitions, she was a catch, but why couldn't Jane see that?

Jane would bring her flowers and hold her at night, but what Maura really wanted was for Jane to be hers and for Jane to be _proud _of being hers. Before they started dating, sex was how Jane compensated for not being out. Nobody knew Jane was into women and Maura didn't care because Jane's ability to please a woman was Maura's best-kept secret. If other women knew of Jane's skills, there would be competition for her, but that phase of their relationship was over now. Maura longed for Jane to proudly say, "This is the woman I love." She worried whether she was being needy or if her wants were justified. Now that she was in this predicament, she noticed women with their girlfriends more than ever before. If they could be happy, why couldn't she? Didn't she deserve a woman who wanted to be with her in public?

Maura was willing to give her time, but no progress was being made with Jane. Jane still wouldn't hold her hand and she had no intentions of being out in other ways. For fear of putting Jane in another situation that could upset her, Maura figured it was easier to remain indoors with Jane. Maura had a feeling that Jane's mother knew and that Jane knew that her mother knew, so why couldn't Jane tell her? She was a grown woman with a life of her own, why was she so afraid? _Even if she isn't ready to admit this to her mother, the least she could do is kiss me in front of people we've never met. _

Their relationship—or lack thereof—was becoming exhausting for Maura. She was expecting a visit from Jane that night, but she wasn't sure if she was up for another night of cuddling and trying to avoid an argument. With a heavy heart, she decided to call Jane and cancel.

"Why?" Jane asked, worriedly. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm seeing a friend," Maura responded.

"You're cancelling our date so you could spend time with a friend?"

"What date?" Maura asked angrily. "Our nights together consist of lying in bed while avoiding sex and avoiding a list of conversation topics that might upset you. Quite frankly, I'm not in the mood to see you tonight." What she had planned on saying was more polite, but even the sound of Jane's voice was starting to annoy her and she had forgotten the statement she had rehearsed before Jane picked up the phone.

Natick wasn't particularly far from Boston, but the Friday evening traffic made the drive last twice as long as usual. While traffic was at a standstill, Maura weighed the pros and cons that came with dating Jane. _Pro: her body. No, Maura, now is not the time to be superficial. Con: she isn't out. Pro: she's your best friend. Con: her temper. Pro: her body. You listed that already and it didn't count the first time. Pro: her body. Really, Maura, has it been that long since you've had sex? _Her list of pros and cons wasn't solving anything, but Maura still couldn't get her mind off of Jane. When she finally reached Natick, she felt a sense of relief. She was going to spend an evening with her friend and former college roommate Monica and Maura hoped she could give her some insight. They had gone to each other for relationship advice since they were eighteen and she, more than anyone, would know what to tell Maura.

When Maura entered Monica's two-story house in the suburbs, she immediately focused on her décor. The recently-married Monica had gone from having a loft in the city to living in a house in the suburbs with her husband. Her bachelorette apartment had been traded for a colonial-style house complete with a man cave for her husband and a hobby room for herself. There were framed photos of their wedding day hanging on the wall along with photos of their parents and grandparents. In a specially made frame was a photo of Monica and Maura on Monica's wedding day. Maura had been her maid of honor and she had made the mistake of bringing Jane as her date. They were in their friends with benefits stage and, although Jane didn't know anybody at the wedding, she still wouldn't let loose and have a good time with Maura. She wouldn't slow dance with her or flirt with her, but what infuriated Maura and Monica is when one of the groomsmen flirted with Jane and convinced her to go on the dance floor with him. "You're too good for her. There's plenty of other women who would love to be with you," Monica had told Maura, but Maura refused to heed her advice. She didn't _want _another woman; she wanted Jane and she was determined to make Jane come to terms with her sexuality.

"Your house is beautiful," Maura said as they sipped their wine in the living room.

"It only looks this put together when I know I'm going to have company," Monica pointed out. "I know we've been friends since we were teenagers, but I still wanted everything to look nice for you."

"There's no need to impress me," Maura insisted. "I was told we moved beyond that point when—"

"When I excessively vomited in our dorm room wastebasket and you passed out in the hallway wearing nothing but your underwear," Monica continued. "I will never forget that night."

"I don't remember how we became that intoxicated," Maura admitted.

Monica took a sip of her wine. "We were nineteen, Maur, and we were a far cry from who we are today. I remember some girl had broken your heart…some girl…Dana was her name! You came back to our dorm and you were trying not to cry, but the moment I asked you what happened, it's as if the floodgates were released. I made us both a gin and tonic in hopes that it would help you feel better, but it was all gin and no tonic. We must have had five of them. Later that night, I was too sick to notice you were gone until my boyfriend at the time—"

"Matt," Maura interrupted. "I'll never forget him and the intoxicated frat boys he would try to get me to date."

"It was college and he was hot," Monica said nonchalantly. "Anyway, he comes into our dorm room cradling you and you're wearing nothing but your underwear and repeating random tidbits of information from our macroeconomics class. You couldn't remember your own name or why you were sleeping in the hallway in your underwear, but you _did _remember how to calculate the Gross Domestic Product."

Maura could no longer control her laughter. "Monica," she began once her laughing fit subsided. "Promise me you'll never tell this story to Jane."

"Oh, Maura," Monica sighed. "You've suppressed the fun-loving side of you for far too long."

"I will continue to suppress that side of me," Maura insisted. "Thirty-six is no longer the age to be passed out in the hallway."

"There are other ways to have fun," Monica told her. "I imagine you and Jane—"

"I cancelled my date with Jane tonight," Maura interrupted.

"Why?" Monica asked. "I thought you were in love with her."

"I am," Maura responded. "I'm very much in love with Jane, but there are times when I don't understand her."

"She's like a man," Monica said jokingly. "Women aren't supposed to understand men. You'll break her in soon enough. I give it another year before you two have a nice house in Arlington."

Maura chugged her entire glass of wine in a matter of seconds. It was a tacky gesture, but it was the only way she could prepare for this conversation. "I don't even foresee myself as Jane's girlfriend in a year."

"Maura," Monica tried to say as nicely as she could. "You aren't getting any younger."

"I'm only thirty-six," Maura pointed out.

"Right, you're thirty-six, Maura. If you were twenty-six, I'd tell you to screw her good and as often as you can, but you're thirty-six now. It's time for you to drop her and move on."

"But I _love _Jane," Maura insisted.

"You're like a sister to me, Maur, and I want you to be happy. What she's doing is bothering you. If it wasn't, you would be with her right now."

Maura's mind began racing. "I'm thinking of taking her to Tracy's wedding next month."

"Go for it," Monica told her. "But this is the final test, Maura. I know you were in your fuck buddies stage at my wedding, so I'm willing to forgive her for that. If she treats you like shit at Tracy's wedding and doesn't dance with you and comment on how beautiful you look, you're dumping her. I don't want you wasting your time with some closet case."

"Jane won't let me down," Maura told her, although she wasn't quite sure. One month—just one month and Maura would have her answer.


	14. Chapter 14

It was now early spring, which meant the weather in Boston would be warmer but still unpredictable. The last remnants of snow had fallen just days ago, but the ground was no longer blanketed in white; rather, the former blanket of white was now piled up along the sides of the road and covered with dirt and debris. The sight of it was far from picturesque, which is one of the many reasons why Maura was grateful Tracy had decided to have an indoor wedding—another reason being the knee-length bridesmaids dress she had to wear.

Maura and Tracy weren't the best of friends or close friends at all. They had been close to each other in college, but over the years they found it hard to bridge the gap in geography. Tracy was born and raised in Boston, but after her undergraduate years, she had decided to attend business school in New York while Maura and the rest of the girls stayed at BCU for their post-graduate education. All five of them were leading separate lives by the time they reached their late-twenties and, although it wasn't what they had foreseen, visits and even phone calls became less frequent until their only communication was in the form of emails, Christmas cards, and the occasional unexpected visit such as the time Julie had visited Maura the night before Jane had confessed her love for her. Maura's once tight-knit group of college roommates and friends had now become acquaintances except for Monica, whom Maura had always been the closest to, but it was now difficult for Maura to divulge all of her secrets to Monica as she had done on a regular basis in college. Now, when they spent time together it was merely to catch up and talk about what was happening in their lives. Maura enjoyed Monica's company, but she couldn't envision herself spending time with her on a regular basis like she did with Jane. Although they were opposites in almost every way imaginable, there was still common ground with Jane. Their careers complemented each other and, when they no longer wanted to talk about a case, Maura never found herself at a loss for words with Jane. She could be herself around Jane and she knew Jane could be herself around her as well. Jane may not have been as highly educated as Monica or the rest of her friends turned acquaintances, but she was just as intelligent if not more so. Jane also exhibited an important quality that distinguished her from the women Maura was used to spending time with: she was selfless and compassionate, which is yet another reason why Maura had fallen for her. Much to Maura's dismay, that selfless and compassionate woman was becoming a remnant of her former self around her.

Ever since Maura had cancelled their date to spend time with Monica a month ago, their relationship or lack thereof had changed. There were no dates or even time spent cuddling in each other's beds. They'd see each other at work and communicate on a strictly professional level and then ease up on each other if they decided to go out for drinks. There was no flirtation, no adoring gazes, or even gentle touches that the other would claim to be accidental. They were now experiencing—for the first time—what it was like to have a strictly platonic friendship.

Maura hadn't _un_invited Jane to Tracy's wedding, but she hadn't exactly mentioned anything about it since the afternoon she had invited her. Jane would have gladly gone with her, but the two of them had broken their first rule of attraction: effective communication and, because of that, Maura found herself without a date while the rest of the women were in attendance with their husbands or boyfriends. After the pictures of the wedding party were taken, Maura wondered how she would occupy her time for the rest of the night. The newly married Tracy would spend her evening going from table to table and thanking people for attending and the rest of her group would be dancing with their dates—or so Maura had thought. The men in her friends' lives didn't want to step out on the dance floor with them and, although her friends were disappointed with their husbands and boyfriends, this gave Maura the perfect opportunity to help her friends relive their college years. When the DJ started playing a '90s dance song they had played countless times in their dorm, Maura urged her friends to get on the dance floor. That single track soon became a slew of '90s dance songs that brought back fond memories for them. As Maura danced with them, she recalled what it was like to be young and carefree. Her only worries then were exams and all the love interests that never amounted to anything serious, although they weren't without their fair share of drama and tears shed. She didn't know Jane then, which meant she hadn't yet learned what it was like to have her heart strewn along. She also hadn't learned what it was like to love a woman so much that even the most obscure reference would lead to being consumed by thoughts of her, which is exactly what had happened when the DJ switched from dance music to a love song. The song held no memories for Maura, but it was a song about love and she _loved _Jane. That obscure connection was all that was needed for Maura to start crying on the dance floor.

"Oh, god," Julie said worriedly.

"Bar," Monica commanded. "We're going to the bar."

Tracy had booked the ballroom, but the hotel bar was still open to other guests, which proved to be unfortunate for Maura and her friends. It had been years since they had consumed alcohol for the sole purpose of numbing the pain of a broken-heart, but there they were—four women in their mid-thirties with matching red bridesmaids dresses who were ready to drink martinis until Maura no longer remembered Jane's name.

Although they were no longer as close as they used to be, Maura was grateful for their friendship. When they were in college, Maura, Tracy, Monica, Julie, and Shannon had all made a pact to choose each other as their bridesmaids when they got married. Seventeen years had passed since they had made that pact, but they remained true to their word. Maura was Monica's maid of honor and a bridesmaid for both Julie and Tracy. Shannon had yet to get engaged, but she had been with her boyfriend for four years and they knew it was only a matter of time. When it happened, Maura would be left as the only unmarried woman in the group and without any prospects.

"Four martinis," Monica told the bartender after she had successfully convinced a young couple to leave the barstools so Maura could have a place to sit as they consoled her.

"I hate Jane," Shannon admitted. "You could do better."

"You don't know her," Maura said defensively. "This isn't entirely her fault. I should have reminded her."

Shannon scoffed. "You don't exactly forget to escort the woman you love to her friend's wedding—a wedding that she's in."

"She has a busy schedule, we both do," Maura informed her.

"Sweetheart, you are in your _prime_," Julie said as she wrapped her arms around Maura. "There are so many other women out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's time to let go of Jane. It's going to hurt, but we'll get you through this."

There it was, the topic of conversation Maura had been dreading. Once her friends were on the subject of Maura dating other women, there was no stopping them regardless of how frustrated Maura would become.

"I don't need to be with a woman," Maura pointed out. "I want to be with Jane because I love her."

"Then why are you crying?" Shannon asked. "If you just wanted to be with her, you would have remained fuck buddies as you were at Monica's wedding. Everything was uncomplicated then. You wouldn't have even suggested being in a relationship. Face it, Maura. You want the title. You want to be her girlfriend and you want her to wife you up. You want to be Mrs. Rizzoli and have a house in Arlington or Winchester, maybe even Natick or Framingham. Who knows? You want little Rizzolis with wild dark hair and your light eyes running around in the backyard as you and Jane watch them grow up before your very eyes, but it's not going to happen, Maura."

"Jane won't kiss you or hold your hand in public," Monica brought to her attention. "She wouldn't even kiss you in front of us and we've known and accepted you being attracted to women for as long as we've been friends. We agreed that Tracy's wedding was going to be the final test for her. She isn't even here, Maura. We know what we're saying is hurting you, but we're saying this because we love you and we don't want you shedding another tear over a woman who only plans on stringing you along and making you play by her rules."

Maura sipped her martini in silence as her friends continued to list reasons why she should move on from Jane, but Maura refused to listen. She loved Jane and she knew Jane loved her. As inappropriate as it sounded, she saw Jane as a work in progress and, at that moment, Maura decided it was her goal to mold Jane into the perfect girlfriend.

After her second martini and a new conversation topic, Maura was able to take her focus off of Jane and stop crying. She wasn't sure when she'd be under the same roof as these women again and she wanted to enjoy the time she had left with them before they all parted ways and retired to their hotel rooms. The bed Maura would be sleeping in that night was comfortable, but slightly cold without Jane there to hold her, so she wanted to prolong the night as much as she could.

"And this next song goes out to Maura," Maura heard the DJ announce as they were headed back to the ballroom.

"If it's 'Barbie Girl,' I'm out of here," Monica said jokingly. "Leave it to Tracy to dedicate that song to you."

"I sang it _once _during senior year and she won't let me forget about it," Maura laughed.

But when the music began, Maura's mind became flooded with memories of Jane. Instead of hearing a song she had sang in college on a dare, she heard the acoustic guitar and the sentimental yet sweet lyrics of a song Jane had put into a playlist simply titled, 'Maura.' It was the playlist they had listened to whenever they made love and, although Jane had offered to switch it up or add new songs, Maura refused. She had become accustomed to those songs just as she had become accustomed to Jane.

Her friends gave her a confused look, but Maura didn't bother to explain what was happening. Maura hadn't given up on Jane and when she saw the woman she loved waiting for her near the entryway, Maura rushed over to her as quickly as she could in her heels and bridesmaids dress.


	15. Chapter 15

Had she been at home or anywhere other than Tracy's wedding, Maura would have leapt into Jane's arms, but with her friends watching her every move, Maura merely hurried over to her. She hoped a hug would suffice—a hug followed by a kiss on the cheek if Jane would allow her to do so. Allow. It was a word Maura had become accustomed to throughout her courtship with Jane. She wasn't _allowed _to hold her hand or kiss her in public. She wasn't _allowed _to question their relationship status. She wasn't even _allowed _to have sex with her. The more she thought about the restrictions Jane had placed on her, the more frustrated she became.

Maura was torn between her own feelings and the advice her friends had given her. Her friends were right—Jane had strung her along, but they also weren't aware of Jane's feelings for her or Jane's willingness to risk her own life for Maura. Jane was nothing like their husbands or boyfriends, but Maura knew that Jane suited her perfectly. When she envisioned the life she wanted for herself, there was never any woman other than Jane at her side. It wasn't merely female companionship that she wanted—it was _Jane _that she wanted and Jane that she loved. It was also Jane that was standing in front of her with a single rose in her left hand. Maura reminisced about the first time Jane had given her a rose. It was in that moment that Jane had asked her on their very first date, but what was the significance of the rose this time? Was it a peace offering? Was Jane trying to save face?

"What are you doing here?" Maura asked after Jane had handed her the rose. She wasn't sure of her tone while asking that question and she hoped Jane wasn't offended.

"I'm asking my woman to dance with me," Jane said matter-of-factly.

Before giving Jane any type of verbal response, Maura grabbed Jane's hand and led her onto the dance floor. "Did you get dressed and drive over here just to ask me to dance with you?"

"No," Jane admitted. "I also have a few selfish reasons."

Maura wanted to ask what Jane's selfish reasons were, but she became lost in the moment when Jane's hands were on her waist. Jane's touch sent a shiver through Maura's body. It had been weeks since Jane had touched her and even longer since they had been intimate with each other. There would be no slow dancing like Jane had planned or even a rhythmic sway to the music. All Maura wanted in that moment was to feel Jane's hands cling to her so possessively.

"What are the reasons?" Maura asked, breaking the silence between them.

"Seeing you look this elegant," Jane responded, her left hand leaving Maura's waist and tracing a line down the zipper in the back of Maura's bridesmaids dress. "You upstaged the bride."

Maura desperately wanted Jane to unzip her dress and if they were in the privacy of _anywhere _other than the ballroom at her friend's wedding, Maura knew her dress would have been off in seconds. "You came here for sex?"

"I did," Jane smiled. "And I remember you telling me your friends have husbands or boyfriends and I didn't want you to be the only woman without a date."

Jane's joking manner was only going to get her so far that night. "Jane, why are you _really _here?" Maura asked in a frustrated tone of voice.

Her joking was a defense mechanism, but Jane knew she had to set that aside and be sincere with Maura even if it meant putting her heart on the line. "The reason I'm here is to tell you how much you mean to me. We went without dating each other for an entire month and that helped me realize so much. I wasn't being a good prospective girlfriend to you and, even worse, I wasn't being a good friend. When you needed me, I wasn't there for you. Instead, I strung you along and you loved me the entire time. I don't know why you loved me, but you still loved me. I missed you, Maura, and I'm here to tell you that from now on everything is going to be on your terms. If you someday decide you want to be my girlfriend, just tell me when you're ready and I'll ask you to be mine or you could ask me. It doesn't matter at this point. And the no sex rule is gone because I know how much you hate it. We'll move forward whenever you want to, Maura."

"No," Maura shook her head.

"No?"

"No," Maura repeated. "It was on your terms this entire time and now you want it to be on my terms because you feel guilty. From the very beginning it should have been about what we both wanted. I love you, but you don't know what you want and you aren't ready to give me what I need in a relationship. If you want to be my girlfriend, there are steps you need to take first."

"Like what?" Jane asked. Maura had just crushed every ounce of her pride and, at that point, she was willing to do just about anything.

"I'm not going to give you a checklist," Maura said sternly. She was used to giving Jane all the facts she needed—and some she didn't even want—but this was going to be different, or so Maura promised herself. Maura wanted Jane's actions to be sincere and not because that's what she thought Maura wanted or expected from her. Most importantly, she wanted Jane to be proud of being hers. Showing up at the wedding was an important step, but Maura questioned the sincerity of her gesture. Once the initial surprise of Jane showing up at the wedding and dedicating a song to her had dwindled, Maura began to question why she had chosen to do such a thing. It was romantic, yes, but was it merely to prove something to Maura's friends? Why couldn't she have just arrived with Maura and saved her all of the heartache that she felt earlier?

So many questions were running through Maura's head, but each second she looked into Jane's eyes, the more she felt as if she would eventually let her guard down as she had the moment Jane dedicated that song to her in front of everybody.

Maura glanced at the table her friends were sitting at. Tracey was still making the rounds from table to table and making conversation with as many guests as she could, but Shannon, Julie, and Monica were staring directly at her. Maura and her friends were no longer in college; they were now women just a few years shy of forty and the three of them were no longer impressed with grandiose gestures such as the one Jane had made earlier. Maura may have been caught up in the moment, but her friends weren't going to giggle about it and tell Maura things like, 'oh, Jane is so cute! I can't believe she dedicated a song to you!' followed by hours of girl talk and Maura bragging about how perfect Jane is and how they're soul mates and going to be together for the rest of their lives. Instead, Shannon, Monica, and Julie all sat at the table looking either upset or not amused. Monica's arms were crossed as she glared at Jane, Shannon repeatedly tapped the heel of her shoes to the floor, and Julie pulled out her phone from her purse and started to text. Maura had hoped Julie was going to send a text to her husband or anyone for that matter, but when she saw the screen of her own phone turn on she knew it was for her. Maura's friends saw right through Jane's attempt at making her forget just how much she had strung her along and they wanted Maura to do the same.

"I love you," Maura whispered in Jane's ear.

"I love you, too," Jane responded.

Maura raised an eyebrow at her. "How much?"

"So much," Jane responded. It was true that she loved Maura, but she was half expecting this exchange to be because Maura wanted to be cute with her.

"Enough to spend some time talking to my friends?" Maura asked. "You've already met them at Monica's wedding. You should say hello."

Jane nervously glanced at the three women glaring at her. Throughout the years, Jane had interrogated hardened criminals and put herself in danger on a regular basis, but at that moment nothing had frightened her as much as the three women Maura was leading her to. _You're doing this for the woman you love_, Jane reminded herself. _These three are going to rip you to shreds, but Maura is worth it._


	16. Chapter 16

Jane had every intention of talking to Maura's friends that evening. They had seemed so polite at Monica's wedding and, although Jane knew she was Maura's best friend, she had enjoyed seeing Maura interact with other women. Maura was comfortable around them and they brought out a side of her that Jane had never seen before. They were the keys to Maura's past and living proof that there was more to her beloved Maura than what she saw at work or even on dates. Jane couldn't help feel the slightest tinge of jealousy because, although she knew Maura far more intimately, the three women glaring at her knew Maura for a much longer period of time. They had known her since she was eighteen-years-old and they were fortunate enough to be able to watch her develop into the beautiful, passionate woman that she is today—the woman Jane had fallen in love with.

Jane was well aware that they had sized her up at Monica's wedding. It was the first time since college that Maura had brought a woman to a social function and her friends wanted to make sure Jane was worthy of Maura. The stakes were higher now that they were out of college and they knew Maura had more to lose. While in college, they saw the girls and guys that Maura had a crush on as potential flings and nothing more. They knew there'd be feelings involved, but never anything serious or anything leading to a long-term relationship. Now that Maura was in her thirties, they viewed women only as potential marriage partners for Maura and they didn't want her to waste her time on a woman who wasn't ready or willing to make a lifelong commitment to her. They envisioned her having a wedding like theirs and moving to a house in the suburbs—the only problem was they envisioned Maura with a woman like their husbands, a woman who was home every night and whose job was performed from the safety of a desk.

What her friends failed to realize is that everything Jane did was for Maura—for her safety, for her comfort, for their future regardless of what the future had in store for them. She could go over there and allow them to berate her for not arriving on time for the wedding as she knew they would do or she could avoid the situation and make it known that she didn't need their approval. The longer she looked at the expressions on their faces, the more appealing the latter became.

"I came here to be with you," Jane reminded her. "I know they're your friends, but I'm not going to sit there as they list reason after reason for why you shouldn't be with me and why you deserve better than me. You do deserve better than what I've given you, but they're only going to see what they want to see, what they have engrained in their minds about our relationship."

"Or lack thereof," Maura added.

"Or lack thereof," Jane smiled. "None of them know what happens when we're alone and they can't grasp what we've experienced together in our careers and in our personal lives. I know you want me to be out, but I want to work on us first. I want a solid relationship and I want to do this the right way. I want to prove to you that I'm not like other women or men you've been with in the past. When I tell my family about us, and I _will _tell them about us, I want to say that you're my girlfriend instead of telling them the situation that we're in right now. That's why I'm waiting for the right time."

Maura turned around to glance at her friends. They were still anticipating a confrontation with Jane, but Maura was no longer willing to put the woman she loved through that ordeal. Instead, she grabbed Jane by the hand and escorted her outside. They could have gone to the bar, but Maura didn't want to be surrounded by intoxicated hotel guests. They could have gone to Maura's room, but she feared it might be too forward. It was no longer sex that she wanted from Jane; it was affection and love that she craved.

There was a secluded spot on the side of the building that Maura knew would be perfect for the two of them. They were away from the commotion of the city and the excitement of Tracy's wedding. In that moment, it was just the two of them underneath the starry sky.

"Are you cold?" Jane asked. Maura had been cold since the moment they set foot outside the hotel, but she didn't want to admit that to Jane. The lack of response was all Jane needed. She took off her blazer and handed it to Maura. She liked the way Maura looked while she wore it, but she particularly liked what it symbolized. As Maura wore her blazer, she felt as if Maura had staked her claim on her. When it was given back to her at the end of the night, Jane would smell Maura's perfume on the collar just as she did every time Maura wore one of her garments.

"Jane?"

"Yes?" Jane responded, her hands on both sides of Maura's waist. She loved the fabric of Maura's dress and the way it felt against her skin. It was the same dress worn by all of Tracy's bridesmaids, but Jane knew there was something different about the way Maura wore it—the way she wore all of her clothes for that matter.

"You've never kissed me under the stars," Maura pointed out.

It was the cue Jane had been waiting for, although she was well aware that she didn't exactly _need _a cue. The exquisite Maura Isles was hers and hers alone to kiss whenever she so desired.


	17. Chapter 17

A week had passed since Tracy's wedding and, in that week, Jane felt a change come over her. As she lied in her bed alone, she wondered what Maura was doing at that exact moment. She knew there was no other women in Maura's life save for her friends, but her friends were becoming the source of Jane's sleepless nights because she worried what advice they were giving Maura about their relationship or their 'arrangement.' She imagined them trying to set Maura up on dates with women whom their husbands worked with—women who clocked into work at nine and clocked out at five, women who were home every night and faced no work-related stress besides her boss calling her into his or her office because of an error on an account.

Maura was kind-hearted, intelligent, and she had so much love to give. The more Jane thought about Maura giving her love to another woman, the more her heart started to break. Every night since the wedding, Jane imagined Maura on a date with a woman not too unlike her friends' husbands. There'd be dinners at four-star restaurants followed by drinks at an upscale lounge. They'd engage in small talk the entire night, but Jane knew something would be missing from their dates. She imagined Maura's date being uncomfortable with Maura's line of work and only _pretending _to listen to her instead of giving Maura her undivided attention. There were times when Jane, herself, pretended to listen, but those moments were becoming few and far in between. She _loved _Maura and valued every single bit of information that came out of her mouth. Jane couldn't give Maura the type of stability that her friends had, but she could love her—both in body and mind—in a way that no other woman could.

As Jane continued to think about Maura being with another woman, she began to realize that it _was_ possible for another woman to appreciate Maura and eventually fall in love with her just as she had. Jane didn't always hang on to every word Maura said at the beginning of their friendship and there were times when she still didn't understand Maura, but that didn't mean that she loved her any less.

Jane grabbed her phone from on top of her nightstand and noticed there was a text message from Maura. Two hours had passed since Maura had sent the message and Jane wondered if she had fallen asleep at some point in between thinking. The message said, simply, "_I need to kiss you_."

_Maura needs me_, Jane thought. _She could have her pick of any woman in this city and she still chose me._

A five-word text message from Maura had eased Jane's mind in a way that nobody else could and, if Maura needed her, Jane was willing to go out of her way to make sure Maura had her. Even if all Maura needed was a single kiss, that single kiss would be worth leaving the comforts of her bed at two in the morning.

Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and she was without a stitch of make-up on, but there was no longer a need to keep up appearances in front of Maura. Maura wanted _her _regardless of what she was wearing and the amount of makeup on her face just as she wanted Maura. Maura without makeup was the most beautiful sight Jane had ever laid eyes on, not only because of Maura's natural beauty but because a lack of makeup on her face meant Maura was comfortable. Maura had dated other women in the past, but no other woman Maura had been romantically involved with besides Jane had made her feel comfortable enough to reveal who she was behind her makeup.

Seeing Maura without her make-up was a privilege reserved only for Jane and her heart nearly skipped a beat when Maura opened the door wearing Jane's pajamas and not a single stitch of makeup. _She really does love me._

Without exchanging a greeting or making an attempt at small talk, Jane wrapped her arms around Maura and kissed her. "I sent that message over two hours ago. I wasn't expecting you," Maura admitted.

Jane cupped Maura's behind as an indicator that she wanted to lift her up. With Maura's legs now securely wrapped around her waist, Jane carried her over to the couch with their lips never leaving each other's. It wasn't the first time Jane had carried her in such a manner, but it was the first time they had successfully made their way to the couch without a single scratch or bumping into any furniture. When they reached their destination, Jane playfully laid Maura down before making herself comfortable on top of her.

"It's rude of me just to show up uninvited," Jane quipped. "I could always go home."

"No," Maura insisted. "Please, stay with me." Although Jane had no intentions of leaving, Maura held her tight to reassure Jane that she never wanted her to leave.

Jane was accustomed to holding Maura and being strong for her, but she found herself surprisingly comfortable with the role reversal. Unsure of when or if Maura would ever hold her again, Jane became lost in the moment. "I'm afraid of losing you to another woman." She had allowed herself to become vulnerable and she instantly regretted the revelation.

Unsure of whether Jane would feel patronized, Maura placed a delicate kiss on Jane's forehead. "There is no other woman in my life."

Jane swallowed her pride once again. "I don't want to lose you to a man, either."

"You haven't yet," Maura responded in hopes of adding some levity to their conversation.

"Yet?" Jane asked.

"You'll never lose me," Maura promised. "I know how difficult this must be for you. It's difficult for me, too, but we can gain so much."

"My Ma knows about us. A few months ago, Frankie told me that she knows."

"Then why—"

"It's still hard to tell her," Jane interrupted. "Discussing my sex life with my mother—"

"What sex life?"

"I'm leaving." Jane attempted to free herself from Maura's embrace, but the more she moved the tighter Maura held on to her.

It was after three in the morning when Jane fell asleep in Maura's arms, but Maura wasn't the slightest bit sleepy. She was so rarely given the opportunity to hold Jane and she wanted to enjoy every second. _She loves me_, Maura thought as she ran her fingertips along Jane's bare arms. _Jane Rizzoli shared her fears and allowed herself to become vulnerable. She drove over here because I needed to be kissed. She loves me as much as I love her._

"I have a surprise for you tomorrow," Jane mumbled an hour later, but when she shifted to look at Maura, she noticed the woman she loved was already fast asleep.


End file.
